Hopeful Ramblings

Brainstorming for another blog takes a long time, especially if one is tired. Admittedly, my fatigue is a direct result of my resistance to fall asleep at a reasonable time last night. You see, before I go to sleep I enjoy binge watching YouTube videos by my favorite YouTubers for about an hour. If I go to bed at 9:30pm, then I enable myself to have an hour and a half of YouTube. In doing this, I am making myself believe that I am going to sleep early, when in actuality I am not. I tend to stay up until 11:00pm, which is not the best for me, I know, but I just don’t seem to learn from this. If I turn everything off by 11:00pm and put my head on the pillow, I usually can’t fall asleep until another thirty minutes to an hour. This is a predicament. I need to turn everything off at a reasonable time (perhaps 9:00) so I can fall asleep earlier and not be so sleepy the next day.

What’s funny is that I am quite an ambitious person. Once school let out, I made it a practice to wake up at 6:00am just like a school morning and go to sleep at 9:00pm, just like a school night. This would enable me to keep my circadian rhythms (or my internal clock) the way they are during the school year so I wouldn’t have to readjust when my senior year starts. I had planned that during the day I would study the things I wanted to, then apply for jobs so hopefully I can put my paychecks into my college fund. After I took the SAT on June 4th, this elaborate plan crashed. Actually, it crashed the week after that when I realized the businesses I applied for work were not calling me back to hire me. Was this due to depression, or laziness? Hmm… Interesting question. I believe it was due to disappointment, rather, and then it turned into depression and anxiety. Thankfully, though, I have obtained a new outlook on life—or, at least, the season that I am in. Once school starts back up, my mind will be focused on my student career, college applications, and young adult responsibilities, since this is my senior year.

"The season that I am in."

This phrase echoes in my mind a realization I had earlier this month. It is that we tend to only see the circumstances at hand rather than the bigger picture. We are focused on the difficult terrain we are walking instead of looking over the horizon that brings hope. Life can bring some agonizing trials—believe me, I have walked that road plenty of times. In fact, I am there right now. We are all looking for hope, comfort, peace, and a shoulder to cry on. We are all frantically searching for ways to cope. When we pray, sometimes--or most of the time--it feels like we are not heard. We are walking in a dry place, and we are so thirsty for God, but listen. Listen for God's voice in the sermons, in the hymns, in the wind in the trees and the grass. We feel so alone that our fear is crippling and all we can do is cry out to God--just listen, and be still. He is there. He loves you. Find nourishment in His word, and earnestly pray.

One Sunday my pastor’s sermon was over Daniel 10, which records Daniel's encounter with an angel. The very first thing the angel says to him is, "Daniel, man greatly loved..." He told him that God values his life, values him personally, and loves him so deeply and perfectly, just in that one phrase. He assured Daniel that his prayer was heard--our prayers reach heaven no matter how we feel. God truly hears us, and loves us.

Don't give up.

God.

Loves.

You.

No one likes to hear this—believe me, I don’t always like it either, but it rings true once you finally reach an easier part of your life’s journey: All the terrible things that happen in life happen for a reason. God has promised that He will use it for good. We are all in this together. We are all family--the body of Christ. We are all hurting together. We are all praying and worshipping the Father together.

Don't give up.

Don't...give...up...

Hang in there.

Jesus loves you.

He's got you, holding you tightly and securely, no matter what.


Sincerely,
Glenna Duncan